Cologne Conniption
by Cakedecorator
Summary: After finishing a cologne commercial, Kyohei gets a sample bottle from the company as thanks. However, the newest batch has been unknowingly tainted with skunk musk. Needless to say, Kyohei's newly-acquired stink is driving his girl away and everyone else is keeping their distance too. Can Kyohei clean up his smell and get his girlfriend back into his arms? Rated T for safety


**After Kyohei completes a commercial for a new men's cologne, the sales for said product are shooting through the roof and then some! But when a batch gets tainted with skunk stink and then a sample is sent to Kyohei as thanks from the company, Kyohei starts raising a stink - literally. No loving from his girl, the guys keeping their distance and the windows open, and Kyohei has no idea what's going on! Not even Little Yamada will come near him. Even bathing doesn't get the stench off! Poor guy...**

* * *

It was yet another day at work for Revance. They were at their usual places at N station. The entire band was working, but the main focus was on Kyohei Rikudoh, the frontman of the band.

He was in one studio and on set. He had his usual smart suit on on set. While he looked very good in it, the point of wearing it was close to moot - the shoot required him to take off the tie and jacket for the job.

While the others were working in other parts of the studio, Kyohei was not alone. He looked to the other side of the room to see a young woman around his age. She had brown hair, light brown eyes, and wearing a work suit for women. Kyohei's face softened as he looked at her.

The woman in question was Revance's assistant manager and ghostwriter. But most importantly, she was Kyohei's girlfriend, and that alone made Kyohei the happiest man in the world. While their romance was not public, Kyohei was head-over-heels for her and would do whatever he could to make her happy.

"Alright, quiet on set," The director said. "Okay, Mr. Rikudoh, here's the main plot line: you're a multi-trillionaire bachelor who's fallen in love - you're completely smitten and head-over-heels for your girlfriend and tonight is the first night you will spend together as lovers. When the actress comes in, acting shy and nervous, you take off your jacket and tie, exposing your chest, and then spray the cologne on the crook of your neck a few times. You beckon your girl over to your side and that's when things get... spicy."

Kyohei looked over to his actual girlfriend and she blushed; he knew that she was the type to daydream and fantasize about this sort of thing, but he subtly winked at her. She turned an even deeper shade of red, but managed to regain her composure.

Carly herself was thrown into the whole Revance world when their lyricist - who was a phantom, never showing his face on set or making any appearances at all - went and disappeared. Ryo, the lyricist, had recommended Carly to take his place, but she wound up in the world by not being in the loop on the situation in the first place. Over time, Kyohei and Carly fell in love and Kyohei's been happier than ever ever since.

"Understood, Mr. Director," Kyohei said, as he got to the set. It was designed in a pure white, luxurious room that implied that he was very rich. He was, in fact, well-off. "Shall we?"

"Action!" The director said.

As the camera started rolling and the playback was being watched by Carly and the director...

Kyohei walked over to the bed of the set, his back turned to the camera. The sound of a door opening rang out, and Kyohei turned around to see an elegant woman and she was dressed like a real lady. Kyohei smiled as if he had been hit by Cupid and then while turning his back on the actress, he took off his jacket, tie, and shirt, before turning back around and flashing a seductive grin. The girl blushed and she was about to melt. Kyohei winked and then lifted up a sleek, maroon, slim heart-shaped bottle with an atomizer. The label was in gold and the writing was "Séduction" - French for 'seduction'. Kyohei took the atomizer and sprayed some of the cologne on the crook of his neck about twice. He put the bottle down in plain sight in front of the camera before walking off-camera to take the model into his arms.

"CUT! That's a wrap! Great work!" The director said, as the entire cast and crew started clapping. Even Carly was clapping, and she knew how much it meant to Kyohei to work hard.

Kyohei looked over to his beloved Carly and he smiled, happy that she was in a good mood.

* * *

Later that evening, the entire band was at the studio house; it was a studio that they frequented a lot, but since they used it a lot and wound up sleeping there more often than not, they just turned it into their own house with the entire band living there, Carly included.

In Kyohei's room, Kyohei had taken off his clothes, minus his underwear; he had just gotten out of the bath and he was lying in the bed with his beloved Carly in his arms.

"You were great as always, Kyohei," Carly said, as she snuggled against him; he welcomed the attention a lot, and smiled while feeling his heart fluttering from happiness. "And that cologne really smelled good."

"The commercial was supposed to advertise that the cologne is formulated to arouse romantic desire in women. So, for a man, it would be the perfect thing to get romantic urges out of his girl. But I don't need it to be able to spend time with you, Carly." Kyohei said, smiling.

Carly blushed as she knew what Kyohei was talking about.

As Kyohei and Carly lounged in bed together, reveling in each other's company...

At the cologne company's processing plant, all was normal, or so one would think. The factory was making several thousand gallons of the cologne for shipping. The ingredients included vanilla, cinnamon, roses, and ylang ylang flowers. There was even some sandalwood in the mix, too. The bottles were all ready to be filled and the caps and atomizers were also ready. Everyone in the factories was doing their part. However...

On one of the shelves in the facility, there were a couple of buckets that were sitting on the top shelf. As one of the cranes came over to pick up one of the ingredients on the shelf, it accidentally knocked over the buckets. They fell off the shelf; when the buckets landed, the lids opened up, and then a smelly, brownish liquid poured out of the buckets and into the perfume batch. from the top view down, one could read the label of the buckets, and the label was 'imported American skunk musk', and several gallons of it fell into the batch. Each bucket was about four gallons and five buckets emptied out, thus twenty gallons of the horrendously smelly liquid had found itself in the cologne batch, which was about five-thousand gallons in all not including the skunk stink.

The smell started to change in the cologne and then all of the tainted liquid went into the bottles, with no one none the wiser as to what had occurred. The bottles were shipped out and no one was aware of how much of a stink was going to be made - in both the literal and figurative sense of the word.

* * *

About a week later...

"Kyohei, you've got a package from that cologne company," Mr. Sasayama said, as he and Carly came in with the mail. "The one you did the commercial for last week."

"Great!" Kyohei said, as he took the package and opened it.

It was a bottle of the cologne from the commercial, but unknown to anyone else, it was the one tainted with the skunk stench.

"Wow, that bottle of cologne looks like a real ladies' magnet," Nagito pipped up. "Mind if I borrow some later?"

"No way," Kyohei joked. "This is going to be strictly for home purposes."

Kyohei looked Carly in the eye; she blushed as she knew what Kyohei was talking about.

"Yeah, yeah," Iori said, as he rolled his eyes. "Quick ogling each other and let's focus."

Everyone got back to work working on what they needed to for their next show. No one expected the coming evening to have quite a smelly time.

That evening, Kyohei had gotten out of the bath and then was planning on going over to Carly's room to spend time with her. As he was drying his hair while wearing boxers, he looked at the Séduction bottle and then he picked it up. He sprayed a bit on the crook of his neck. What he failed to smell at the time was the skunk smell.

Kyohei eagerly went over to Carly's room, not noticing the stink on him.

Carly was up at her desk in her bedroom while working on the newest set of lyrics for the band. She had decided to get more sets of lyrics done at once, and give the band options and revised sets just to be safe. Needless to say, Takashi was grateful for the extra effort.

Kyohei came into the room without knocking, which was par for the course. As he came in and tried to sneak up onto Carly...

Carly's nose twitched, and smelling the cologne, she covered her mouth and nose and tried to filter the air out.

"Kyohei..." Carly said.

"Oh, you could tell I was behind you?" Kyohei asked.

"I could smell you right behind me; literally." Carly said, as she turned around, her mouth and nose still covered.

"Come on, uncover your face," Kyohei said, as he got closer to Carly; the smell intensified as he tried to move Carly's hands away from her face. "You're just too cute; I want to see your sweet face when you're drunk on this cologne's scent."

Carly nearly gagged on the smell. As Kyohei leaned in closer to kiss her, Carly managed to get her hands free and she pushed Kyohei away.

"Wha?!" Kyohei said, in surprise that Carly would react that way. She would normally be all over him when he tried getting intimate with her.

"You DID just get out of the bath, right?" Carly asked, a little uncomfortable.

"Yes, so..." Kyohei said, as he began to come in and kiss her again. She dodged him.

"Are you sure?" Carly asked. "I don't know what it is, but something's a little... off about you tonight."

"Off? With me?" Kyohei asked, surprised. He stood up and grew a little grouchy. "How can anything be wrong with me?"

"Because... Well..." Carly began, trying not to say something along the lines of 'you stink, Kyohei', and getting him angry. "Could you just please leave me to work on the lyrics?"

Carly, holding her breath, pushed Kyohei out the door and then she shut it and locked it so he would not be able to get back in again.

"Oh, phew..." Carly said, as she sank to the floor. "Now I can finally breathe... Literally."

Carly buried her face in her arms.

 _'What am I going to do?! I can't tell Kyohei that he quite literally stinks tonight. Hopefully it will wear off tomorrow...'_ Carly thought, as she managed to get fresh air.

 _'Did I just get rejected?!'_ Kyohei thought, as he stood outside the door.

He heard the sound of a dog running at him, and then Kyohei turned around to see Little Yamada, his Old English Sheepdog coming at him.

"Hey, Little Yamada!" Kyohei said, as he bent down to pet his dog.

As Little Yamada came closer, he stopped in his tracks, and then backed off while making whimpering noises. Kyohei was confused as to why Little Yamada was backing away.

"Great, not you too..." Kyohei said.

He begrudgingly went back to his bedroom to sulk. He was still wearing the cologne overnight, but unbeknownst to him, the smell would not go away, nor was he aware that he was the source of the smell.

The next morning, Kyohei got dressed, sprayed more of the cologne on himself, and went downstairs, not knowing the smell on him only got worse, and his mood only got more sour when he remembered the events of the previous night.

The others were at the breakfast table, eating a family-style breakfast that Carly had made for everyone.

"Morning, guys..." Kyohei said.

The others pulled uncomfortable faces as they all saw Kyohei coming and smelled what was coming from him; Little Yamada retreated outside.

"Um... I'll open a window; it's a little warm in here..." Carly said, as she opened a few windows.

"I'll turn the fans on," Nagito said, as he turned on some of the fans in the house. "Feeling okay everyone?"

The others failed to answer.

"Yeah. Just a little... nauseous." Iori said, trying not to visibly hold his nose and cover his mouth.

Carly took a tissue and held it over her face. Everyone was subtly eying Kyohei; Carly had informed them of the previous night's stench and they all knew immediately that Kyohei still stunk.

"Something smells bad," Kota said. "Carly, don't tell me you're burning something!"

"No, no!" Carly said, defending herself.

Kyohei was confused; everyone was acting weird. He failed to realize that everyone was trying not to call Kyohei out on his newly-acquired body odor and end up hurting his feelings.

"Um... Well, I'm finished eating," Nagito said, changing the subject. "I'm going back to my room to finish up some designs for the costumes. There's leftovers, Kyohei. Enjoy."

Everyone cleared out of the room and Carly gave a hand signal for everyone to meet in Takashi's room for a meeting. Kyohei grabbed Carly's hand and pulled her closer.

"Ky-Kyohei..." Carly began, trying not to throw up from the smell. "Good morning."

"Yeah, good morning," Kyohei said. "What's going on? Everyone's acting weird."

"Well, um... I have no idea." Carly said.

"Quit lying," Kyohei said, turning her around in his arms. "You're not going anywhere until I get answers. What happened last night? Why were you avoiding me, and still are keeping your distance now?"

Carly was trying her best not to throw up and hold her breath at the same time.

Carly covered her mouth; she managed to wriggle out of Kyohei's grasp and she ran to the bathroom... And saw her breakfast for a second time. Kyohei saw what was going on and then he started to grow concerned.

"Carly!" Kyohei said, as he came behind her and rubbed her back to help her relax. "Sheesh, why didn't you tell me you were feeling sick?!"

 _'Because YOU'RE what's making me sick like this!'_ Carly thought, but she did not tell Kyohei that.

"I'll let the guys know," Kyohei said, as he turned around and ran out of the bathroom. "Just take the day off; you'll need it to recover."

As he left the room, the air cleared, and Carly sighed in relief after her stomach emptied itself out. She slunk to the floor and then she said, "Ugh... Man, Kyohei really does stink..."

Back in the car, Kyohei had met up with others, but since he still smelled bad, the windows were open and the vents were on. Mr. Sasayama soon noticed the smell and then he turned the air conditioner on to get rid of the smell.

"Kyohei, where's the ghost?" Iori asked; he covered his mouth with his handkerchief to avoid the stink.

"Carly threw up in the bathroom, so I'm giving her the day off to recover. Hope it isn't food poisoning..." Kyohei said, as he sat next to Takashi.

Takashi pulled an uncomfortable face, and everyone went pale from Kyohei's stink, and they were all on the verge of gagging and such.

Even at work, everyone noticed Kyohei's body odor, but they avoided commenting on it.

"Has anyone else noticed Kyohei's scent?" Kota asked the guys as they were in a meeting. "He's had this horrid stink on him since last night."

"Yeah, first Kyohei gets the commercial done, he gets the cologne bottle from said commercial, then he starts to smell horrible and it's only getting worse, and now Carly throws up?" Nagito said. "It must be the cologne; after he sprayed it on himself in the bathroom he started to smell."

"But he was wearing it during and after that commercial shoot... How can that even happen?" Takashi asked.

"I don't know," Iori said. "But we'd better force him to bathe or we're all gonna throw up from nausea because of that stench."

"I'm not sure that's the way to do it," Kota said. "He bathes regularly, so I don't see how he can still smell if he's bathed."

The others soon smelled Kyohei coming and they all clammed up.

"What are you talking about?" Kyohei asked.

"Um, nothing... *Cough* How's work coming along?" Iori began.

"Fine, but you're not the only ones acting weird," Kyohei said. "Everyone's avoiding me like I'm some kind of disease..."

"Um, Kyohei..." Nagito began, but...

"Not now!" Kota said, covering Nagito's mouth. "Leave it for when we get back home..."

"If we can keep ourselves from puking before then..." Iori muttered.

Kyohei got only more dejected as he was confused about what was going on. He had no idea what everyone else was thinking.

* * *

Later that night, the others were investigating Kyohei's room.

"The smell is a little weaker in here..." Nagito said.

"It's on Kyohei's sheets, too," Iori said, as he picked up the bed sheets and gave them a sniff. "And it's pretty bad."

"So it's definitely not a hygienic issue," Takashi said. "Just like I thought: it's the cologne."

"But he wore that cologne after the shoot and it smelled perfectly fine; now it's like he's rolling in something that smells completely rotten. But how is it that the smell persists even after he's bathed?" Kota asked. "Doesn't soap and water usually take care of that?"

"I don't know," Carly said; she had come in to help. "But every time he gets intimate with me, I have to push him away because he smells so bad."

"And knowing him, he's probably getting upset about it." Kota said.

"He's in the shower now," Nagito said. "Let's get out of here before he comes back."

The others left the room and left everything as it was.

Later that night, Carly was once again working on the lyrics in her bedroom. She had flameless scented candles in her room to help her feel better from the smell from earlier.

Kyohei came in without knocking, as per usual. Carly immediately put up her guard as she literally smelled Kyohei right behind her. The scented candles were helpful, but otherwise she was having a hard time breathing.

He hugged Carly from behind and he said, "Carly, are you feeling better?"

"I was..." Carly began, as she covered her mouth. "Kyohei, um... I don't know how to tell you this, but..."

"But...? No time for distractions! I want you." Kyohei said, as he swept Carly off her feet and then brought her to the bed.

Carly caught her breath and she tried not to gag; her gag reflex was acting up and she was having a hard time resisting Kyohei.

As Kyohei reached for her face to bring her in for a kiss.

"Stop!" Carly said, as she pushed Kyohei away and backed away.

"What's gotten into you? Or rather, what's gotten into _everyone_?! I can't get any love from the girl I love, the guys are keeping their distance, and even Little Yamada won't come near me!" Kyohei complained.

"Kyohei... I don't know how to tell you this nicely, but... You stink; literally." Carly said, covering her mouth and nose.

"...Are you kidding me? I'm wearing the Séduction cologne!" Kyohei asked, in shock.

"No, I'm not. And the cologne is just what I'm talking about; it's even on the sheets in your room," Carly said. "And even with your regular bathing it's not coming off."

"Is... Is that for real?" Kyohei asked; it was starting to sink in that he was the source of the stench. "That explains why something's been smelling a bit off around here lately, including everywhere I go... but how is it that I can't get the stink off no matter how many times I bathe?"

"I don't know." Carly said, as she covered her mouth to begin filtering the smell out of the room.

"That's it," Kyohei said. "I'm going to call the company and complain."

Kyohei reached for his phone when...

The phone itself started ringing, and it was the phone number from the cologne company.

"Oh, hello," Kyohei said, turning on his professional voice as he picked up. "I was just about to call you. It's about the cologne..."

"Yes, about that," The person on the other end of the phone. "We've been getting angry complaints and refund demands from all of the men who have bought the cologne."

"So it isn't just me..." Kyohei began.

"Yes," The factory worker said on the other end. "We've issued a recall of all of the bottles. Apparently there was a major mishap in the processing of that particular bottle."

"What happened?" Kyohei asked.

"We had some American skunk musk on hand; we were planning on neutralizing it for a specific new cologne, but all of it wound up getting knocked into the cologne batch and now men are complaining about literally raising a stink with their lovers and not getting any attention, combined with not being able to get the stink off. I warn you, skunk stink is very foul-smelling and you can't get it off through the traditional methods. Even the other ingredients in the cologne aren't going to make it smell any better." The worker said.

"Skunk?" Kyohei asked, as he had heard of that animal; it was sinking in that he had inadvertently been 'skunked' and now he cannot even be close to his girlfriend. "How do I get the smell off?!"

"It's actually a really simple formula... 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide, 1/4 cup baking soda, and 1 teaspoon of dish detergent. Fresh peroxide and baking soda is preferable. All you have to do is shampoo it into your body and let it sit for about five minutes before rinsing. Make sure you use it immediately; it's unstable once made. And you need to repeat the process if you need to." The worker informed him.

"Thank you!" Kyohei said. "I'll send that bottle back right away."

Kyohei hung up the phone and then he ran to the bathroom. He checked and saw that there was a 1 quart bottle of hydrogen peroxide under the sink. He took the cologne and peroxide bottles and then he ran to the kitchen; he packed the cologne bottle and send it in the mail to the company. Meanwhile, he found the baking soda and he took the dish detergent. He ran upstairs to the bedroom.

"Time for a skunk-free Kyohei!" Kyohei shouted as threw out his old sheets and then went to the bathroom.

He went into the shower and created the formula to remove the skunk smell.

About ten minutes later...

Carly was in Kyohei's bedroom and she was nervous. She was hoping that Kyohei would be skunk-free.

As he came in with a towel around his waist and wet hair, Kyohei smiled and he said, "I'm clean!"

He came over to the bed and hugged Carly. Carly, not smelling one hint of skunk on him, relaxed in his arms and sighed happily.

"I'm not going to hold back tonight," Kyohei said. "Are you ready?"

Carly nodded and she hugged Kyohei back.

"You smell so much better..." Carly said, as she snuggled up to him.

Kyohei smiled and then he growled seductively; he laid down on the bed and hugged Carly close to him. He kissed her cheek and then he started to kiss her all over her face over and over again. Carly welcomed the attention and she hugged his neck. They began kissing passionately and sweetly.

"I love you so much..." Kyohei said as he began kissing her cheek repeatedly.

That night, they enjoyed each other's company to the fullest.

* * *

 **How was that? Did you like it? I hope you did.**

 **Anyway, here's something I want to ask: in honor of next March's live-action remake film Disney's "Beauty And The Beast", how does said fairytale starring Iori sound? Or "Cinderella" with Kyohei being Prince Charming? Let me know in a review, please!**


End file.
